Have you ever said or felt that one of the following statements is true about you?
"How come I can't lose weight" (control my temper/get up on time/or whatever).
"What's wrong with me? I know I shouldn't do that."
"I must be sabotaging myself (again)."
When I ask students in my classes if and of the above is true for them, I usually get a large variety of similar self-talk patterns.
What is striking in every class I
have taught around the
Self-sabotage (dark, deep inner forces over which we have no control) is a concept that was created by Sigmund Freud, the "Father Of Modern Mental Health'. Just for the record, Freud snorted a lot of cocaine and really didn't like women so, I find his "mental health' theories just a tad suspect.
The point here is that a frightening number of people subscribe to the belief that they were created with an inner terrorist that forces them to "self-sabotage'. What a terrible way to live.
Think about it: If a person truly believes in self-sabotage, then what chance do they really have to change and be happy? This "SS' force (self-sabotage force) has all the characteristics of something that one really can't control. And, this uncontrollable force doesn't even like the person in which it resides!
Here's the truth about self-sabotage: It does not exist. There simply is no such thing as self-sabotage.
Now, when I say this in my classes, there is always a "lively" debate that ensues. It seems that some people are hell bent are keeping their limitations and as some wag once said: "If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them."
However, for those people who are open-minded, their brains fall out. Ha ha. Just kidding. I wanted to see if you were really reading this.
Seriously though, for those of you who are curious about challenging and changing a harmful, long held belief, then the following idea may be valuable to you: Self-sabotage does not exist because in reality, it is just a terrible and incorrect name for "inner miscommunication". You see, self-sabotage is a "label' for essential, unchangeable unworthiness. And we all live up, or down to, labels we have about ourselves.
Speaking of harmful and inaccurate labels, do you think that you (or someone you know) have flaws?
Most people answer, "Sure. We're only human so it's normal to have flaws."
Here's the flaw with having flaws: Thinking they are real is very damaging because doing so is the emotional equivalent of staring at the sun in that it blinds a person to change.