Have you ever said or felt that one
of the following statements is true about you?
"How come I can't lose
weight" (control my temper/get up on time/or whatever).
"What's wrong with me?
I know I shouldn't do that."
"I must be sabotaging
myself (again)."
When I ask students in my classes
if and of the above is true for them, I usually get a large variety of similar
self-talk patterns.
What is striking in every class I
have taught around the
Self-sabotage (dark, deep inner
forces over which we have no control) is a concept that was created by
Sigmund Freud, the "Father Of Modern Mental Health'. Just for the
record, Freud snorted a lot of cocaine and really didn't like women so, I find
his "mental health' theories just a tad suspect.
The point here is that a
frightening number of people subscribe to the belief that they were created
with an inner terrorist that forces them to "self-sabotage'. What a
terrible way to live.
Think about it: If a person truly
believes in self-sabotage, then what chance do they really have to change and
be happy? This "SS' force (self-sabotage force) has all the
characteristics of something that one really can't control. And, this
uncontrollable force doesn't even like the person in which it resides!
Here's the truth about
self-sabotage: It does not exist. There simply is no such thing
as self-sabotage.
Now, when I say this in my classes,
there is always a "lively" debate that ensues. It seems that
some people are hell bent are keeping their limitations and as some wag once
said: "If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them."
However, for those people who are
open-minded, their brains fall out. Ha ha. Just kidding. I
wanted to see if you were really reading this.
Seriously though, for those of you
who are curious about challenging and changing a harmful, long held
belief, then the following idea may be valuable to you: Self-sabotage does not
exist because in reality, it is just a terrible and incorrect name for
"inner miscommunication". You see, self-sabotage
is a "label' for essential, unchangeable unworthiness. And we all
live up, or down to, labels we have about ourselves.
Speaking of harmful and inaccurate
labels, do you think that you (or someone you know) have flaws?
Most people answer, "Sure.
We're only human so it's normal to have flaws."
Here's the flaw with having flaws:
Thinking they are real is very damaging because doing so is the emotional
equivalent of staring at the sun in that it blinds a person to change.
