The journey in fertility is only partially a technological and physical one. It is, in these and other women's struggles, more often than not revealed to be a spiritual one as shame turned to rage.
J started therapy because she was angry all the time. "Why can't I have a baby!" she clenched her fists and tried to hold back the tears. "I would make a good mother, give my baby a good home. And I look around and all there is are babies getting hurt, getting dumped, being thrown away. And some people get pregnant four or five times and have just as many abortions."
I waited. More was coming. The inevitable.
"What does God think He's doing!?"
The utter injustice of it to J was more than she could bear at times. As a result, the anger spilled over to other areas"”and people"”in her life. She found herself avoiding friends who had children, silently incensed and making up excuses. She stopped seeing family members with babies and toddlers. She snarled at women with children in the market and was surly on line at the bank if there was a pregnant woman anywhere in the vicinity.
The rage is most often the part that gets left unexpressed and boils inside to a seething brew. This is the politically incorrect indignation and fury at other women who have what they don't. They hold it inside, ashamed of the intensity of their anger and envy, feeling alone and punished, sadly not realizing how common the situation is and how much it is affecting them physically.
TheWestern Way of Fertility
Excessive striving leads to exhaustion. (Tao 55)
We live in nature, but can never possess it; we can guide and serve, but never control. This is the highest wisdom. (Tao 51)