Thinking that you have flaws
reinforces the idea of a deep unworthiness because a flaw is intrinsic and
hence, very tough if not impossible, to change.
The point is this: Thinking that
one has flaws is emotionally crippling because it perpetuates the whole
self-sabotage belief pattern.
What if, instead, you (or
someone you know) had "growth opportunities'? Doesn't that feel
better? Can you see how that label makes much more sense?
Many people feel this new
definition click into place because they deeply sense (in spite of an inner
critical voice) that "growth opportunities" is a true description
of reality.
Isn't it true that flaws are
limiting? However, "growth opportunities' nicely invite a person to
accept that their current behaviour is what it is and that it does not
have to be permanent. The great thing about this more accurate
perception of reality is that it gives a person a real opportunity to grow and
change.
Now, let's get back to
self-sabotage. As I said, it is a state of inner miscommunication based
on an inaccurate message of worthiness that originated from some time in our
past. In other words, we have learned to incorrectly talk to ourselves about
our-Self.
And keep this important fact in
mind: As children, we are born with the tendency to like ourselves.
However, "as the twig is bent, so grows the tree" and
most of us learn to talk to ourselves in ways that do not affirm our
self-worth.
In fact, some of us learned at a
very young age that we, for some inexplicable reason, are born with terrible
flaws and hence are unworthy. (Womb experiences are very important
but beyond the scope of this article.)
