However, the truth is that children are created liking themselves. As far as they are concerned, there is nothing wrong with them and they naturally give and expect healthy love because that is how they are made.
Only some time later do many of us stop expecting healthy love and/or we develop odd ideas about what giving love is (to ourselves as well as others). It is at this point when damaging inner miscommunication becomes entrenched.
But there is a way to change this crushing inner consultation process. NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) is a great way to begin repairing oneself. NLP is uniquely effective because it focuses on how we do something rather why.
Answering "how" instead of "why" is very important because sometimes "why" questions are what I call "blue sky" questions. Once you learn why the sky is blue, will that change its color? No. Similarly, there are some emotional "blue sky" questions that even if answered simply do not effect change.
Let me ask you a question: If a cook follows the same recipe every time for their world famous cake, they'll get the same world famous results, right? And, if someone were to ask why this particular cook always gets the same results, the answer is simple, isn't it? They follow the same recipe.
However, if this cook were to change one step then their results would very likely change. This is the essence of NLP--change the (cognitive/behavioral) recipe in some way and you will change the results you get.
NLP is also very powerful in this case to helping people change because it neatly sidesteps one particularly powerful cognitive distortion that is crucial to the inner miscommunication process.
In my book about anxiety, OCD and hypnosis, I list ten cognitive distortions and the one I am referring to here is "emotional reasoning". To quote: