However, the truth is that children
are created liking themselves. As far as they are concerned, there is
nothing wrong with them and they naturally give and expect healthy love because
that is how they are made.
Only some time later do many of us
stop expecting healthy love and/or we develop odd ideas about what giving love
is (to ourselves as well as others). It is at this point when
damaging inner miscommunication becomes entrenched.
But there is a way to change this
crushing inner consultation process. NLP (neuro-linguistic
programming) is a great way to begin repairing oneself. NLP is
uniquely effective because it focuses on how we do something rather why.
Answering "how" instead
of "why" is very important because sometimes "why"
questions are what I call "blue sky" questions. Once you learn
why the sky is blue, will that change its color? No. Similarly,
there are some emotional "blue sky" questions that even if answered
simply do not effect change.
Let me ask you a question: If a
cook follows the same recipe every time for their world famous cake, they'll
get the same world famous results, right? And, if someone were to
ask why this particular cook always gets the same results, the answer is
simple, isn't it? They follow the same recipe.
However, if this cook were to
change one step then their results would very likely change. This is the
essence of NLP--change the (cognitive/behavioral) recipe in some way and
you will change the results you get.
NLP is also very powerful in this
case to helping people change because it neatly sidesteps one particularly
powerful cognitive distortion that is crucial to the inner miscommunication
process.
In my book about anxiety, OCD and
hypnosis, I list ten cognitive distortions and the one I am referring to here
is "emotional reasoning". To quote:
